How to Minimize the Idn Poker Slump
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sad Mommy...
Same story, different day... This post is more for me than anything. I am not looking for sympathy but just need to get my thoughts out and maybe that will help me to deal with them... Monday I took Owen to the breastfeeding support group to be weighed and somehow he lost 8 oz in 4 days. He was back down below birth weight. On the Friday before he was almost 8 lbs. The upsetting thing is that he had been eating better - or so I thought. The lactation nurse wanted me to cut back from supplementing from 2 oz to just 1 oz after each feeding which I did progressively over the weekend. And we see what happened as a result of that... So - we are back to 2 oz (or more if he will take it) after every single feeding because I am not taking any chances this week. I know the group is there for support but it really just made this mommy very sad. We sat by 2 baby boys that were 6 weeks old (Owen is now 7 weeks) and they both weighed over 10 pounds. There was even a 4 day old baby that weighed more than him... And everyone keeps saying "Wow, he's so little!". Do they really think that is a good thing to say about a baby struggling to gain weight? I almost cry every time I take him out and someone asks me if he is about a week old... Despite all of this he is still a very happy baby. I just keep wondering if I should just give up and give him formula all the time. I don't want to keep him from gaining just because of my desire to be able to nurse him. There are so many things running through my head. I feel so inadequate as a mom... I feel like people are looking at me like I am a bad mom - the only way for a baby not to gain weight is for him not to be fed, right - and what kind of mom doesn't feed her baby... I am exhausted - physically and emotionally... and super stressed and I know that only makes things worse... I love him more than anything and only want to do what's best for him. Anyway - we go back on Friday to be weighed again so we are praying constantly that he will gain a ton of weight. At this point he has a lot of catching up to do.
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4 comments:
Awww... honey... I am so sorry. :( If you were a bad mommy you wouldn't care. You are a wonderful mommy and are trying to do what's best for him. Has the thought of pumping and then fortifying the breast milk been talked about? But, I COMPLETELY understand wanting to nurse him. And please, stop comparing him. I know it's really easy to- I still do because Park man is so short. But the cardiologist handed it to me on the plate last week- he looked at me, looked at Bruce, asked how tall we were, and asked if we really expected Park to be any different. But I understand your worries because Matt is not a wee boy, he was a big baby, and Owen is just not behaving. I really hope your pediatrician can figure something out soon- for little man and for you and matt- for your sanity! We love you and miss you, keep your chin up. It's so hard to when you're so sleep deprived!
ps. We were up at the same time lamenting this morning, by the way. :) I was writing emails at that time!
I am so sorry Kylie! You are a good mom, and as hard as it is, don't give up! Keep breastfeeding-the extra nutrients are good for him, and so is the bonding time! You will miss it when you are back at work, so you could at least breast feed until you come back and then stop if you want.
I'll pray Owen starts behaving and is as chunky as Brooke soon!
Looking forward to seeing you soon, but I am sure the thought of having to leave Owen sucks. See you soon!
Elizabeth
Of course you are a great mom, you wouldn't be so concerned if you weren't! And I'll tell you something someone told me when I was having troubles with nursing...breastfeeding doesn't make you a good or bad mom. Your love and nuturing towards him is what makes you a good mom. Take one day at a time and relax if you can, in 10 years it won't matter if you breastfed alot or formula fed a lot, the love and hugs and kisses is what he'll remember. :) I'll pray for you! And never doubt yourself as a mother, he knows you love him :)
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